Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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