Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
