You smell like stripper and shame
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
