I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
