Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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