i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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