you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
PANTIES FOUND
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
