I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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