I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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