i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize