We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
