At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
