wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
