Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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