Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
