Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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