I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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