brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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