Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize