If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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