So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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