I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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