Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
