The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
