I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
