why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
