new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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