It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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