Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
