the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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