She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
