WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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