life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
