So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
