We're facebook friends in real life
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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