hotel room ftw
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
