Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
