closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
