i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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