Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
