My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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