Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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