I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
