i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
