That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
