girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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