he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
