Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
