You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
