I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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