I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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