I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she looked like the before picture.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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