found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
