Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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