My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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