areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
