You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
