cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
