we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize