Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
