My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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