Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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