Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
