If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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