I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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