I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm really busy with my period
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