There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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