Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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