she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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