so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
