I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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