So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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