Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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