oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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