I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
