everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
