You're completely useless in the revolution.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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